Friend, Dear Friend

The gloves fit snuggly on my hands. I can feel the sweat gathering on my forehead. The creak of the floorboards sound like small explosions as Jim makes his way down the steps. Standing flush with the wall, I wait at the bottom of the steps, gripping the eight inch Shun onion knife in my left hand. I take in a shallow breath, trying to be as silent as possible. The creaking starts again.
I hear his ragged breath as he comes down the steps. I know that on the wall to the left there is a light switch. I also know that Jim will try to turn it on when he reaches it. What Jim doesn’t know is that I’ve taken the light bulb out. Jim takes another step towards my waiting knife. His breathing getting more and more laced with fear.
I can smell it, the fear I mean. The click of the light switch sends a jolt of adrenaline down my spine, it won’t be long now and Jim will be mine. I hear him flip the switch at least half a dozen times, and then he curses under his breath. My heart starts to pound; the sweat has begun to drip all over my body. The anticipation is almost too much. I grip my Shun tighter and coil my body to pounce. Jim has reached the last step.
I know that Jim has a baseball bat. I also know that Jim will swing for my head. I smile slightly to myself as I hear his slippers whisper on the tile of the floor. A few more feet and he will be mine. Jim passes me and I detach myself from the wall. I am so close to him I can feel the heat coming off him in waves. The heat of fear. I let out a small sigh and Jim turns around wildly and swings the bat wide and high. Ducking under the bat gives me the right angle to plunge the Shun directly into his jugular.
The first thing I notice is the surprise in his eyes, as if he’s saying “Why hello there friend.” I then hear the thump of the bat settle to the floor. Immediately the spray of hot sticky blood hits my face. I taste its metallic tang in my mouth and I drag the knife from his left jugular to his right. More blood sprays out, and that’s when Jim’s eyes wink out. My friend has left; gone to some bright resting place in the sky. I grab his body as it goes limp and gently lower it to the ground. I rest his head in my lap and I cry. My friend has left me. This is the way it always ends. I sob to myself and then something whispers to me to finish up and move on.
Laying Jim’s body out neatly on the floor, I rest his hands on his chest and close his eyes. I go up stairs to Jim’s bathroom and take a shower and borrow some of my friends’ clothes. He won’t mind, we were friends after all.
After my shower and quick change the next step is the stove. Jim’s stove runs on gas. I turn on all the burners and make my way to the garage. Jim’s lawnmower is parked against the right wall, along with the gas can he keeps filled. Picking up the can I glance around the darkened garage and think of the day that Jim and I rebuilt his engine last month. Going back to the kitchen makes my eyes hurt a bit from the change in light, but I have to start my trail. The trail runs from the garage, to the kitchen and all the way to the back door. This is the last time I will ever see my friend or his house. I strike a match and watch the fire spread quickly to the kitchen.
Halfway back to my apartment I hear the first sirens of the fire trucks. The fire is raging now, consuming my friend. I thought this time would be different, I thought that after ninety-three failed friends I had finally found one that would stay.
Chapter One
It had been three weeks since my friend Jim had left me alone. I hung his clothes up next to mine in my closet. I didn’t feel the need for a new friend at the moment. I needed time to grieve, besides, I had my goldfish Gertrude. I had to get back to my life. I worked at an office building on the South side of town. The name of the place was Green Tree Data Entry. My job was to enter insurance claims into a database. My apartment was exactly ten minutes from my office.
Today started like any other day. I went to my cubicle and the glaring stack of papers covered my desk. I took my seat and turned on my computer. My work station was exactly like my apartment. Alphabetized and color coded and extremely neat. I began to enter the data like any other day. At lunch I sat with my colleague Jane. She had her usual ham and cheese sandwich with no crusts and a Capri Sun. I had my usual PB&J with the crusts and a Coke.
Jane is the closest thing to a friend that I had in this life. She laughed at my pathetic attempts at humor; she remembered my birthday and she always sat with me at lunch. She told me that yesterday her dog Gizmo tore up her favorite high heels. Gizmo is a terrier. I nodded at all the right parts; laughed when she described the mess she came home to, and that’s when the day turned odd. Jane asked me if I wanted to have a drink with her at the bar over on Sunshine and 9th street.
I felt the blood run to my face. I knew I was blushing, but I couldn’t stop it. I lower my eyes to my half eaten sandwich and begin rub my hands together. I’m not very good at this part. The jousting back and forth that comes so natural to most people is something that I never quite mastered. She smiles slightly; I can see it out of the corner of my eye. She takes my right hand and tells me to look at her. It takes every ounce of courage I have but I finally manage a halfway glance at her.
She’s sitting there still smiling and instead of putting my hand down she is squeezing it a bit tighter. She says “Neil, I can see that I’m going to have to be the ‘man’ in this relationship eh?” I muster the last bit of my courage and look her fully in the face.
I never realized it until that very moment, but I loved Jane. I smiled stupidly and made a very weak joke. I said “I suppose so Jane, maybe I should start looking into buying a bra.” She giggles quietly and then says “Tonight, seven-thirty, Franklyn’s Bar. Do you know where that is?” I tell her that I do, that it is on Sunshine and 9th street. She nods and lets my hand go. Her smile is still in place when she gets up to throw away her trash. She makes her way to the door of the break room and turns back to me. “Don’t be late she says” still smiling.
When she leaves the room I get up quickly and let out a huge rush of air. The drums in my chest steadily dissipate and the blood that had rocketed to my face has begun to settle back down to the rest of my body. I look around the room and for the first time since my first friend I feel lost and a bit light headed. I pick up my trash and headed back to my cubicle.
The rest of my day was uneventful, and all I could concentrate on was the ticking of the clock that hung on the wall next to my cubicle. The ticking helped me relax; it was a constant rhythm that never stopped. Five o’clock finally came and I went to my car. My sky blue metallic Subaru outback was parked to the immediate left of the door. The drive home was riddled with traffic, road work and my own scattered thoughts. I had never been very good at chatting up females and tonight I would be plunged into a situation where that’s exactly what was expected. Jane had guided me into making the date, but would she be patient enough to lead the conversation as well? Would I stutter my words? Will I chew with my mouth open? I need to calm down. I turned on my radio and the sounds of Dave Matthews filled my car. I smiled to myself and relaxed.
I pulled into my apartment complex and eased into my parking space. I lived on the second floor of a five floor walk up. My apartment was a single bedroom model with a very small living room/dining room area, a kitchen with attached bar, a decent sized bedroom and of course the throne. I rarely left the apartment on weeknights. I had a gray microfiber couch that looked brand new, and an entertainment center with a fifty two inch LCD TV that never got used. I had all the usual décor you find in a modern bachelor’s apartment, for my other hobby it is good to have facades in place.
I took a quick shower and dressed myself. My outfit consisted of a burgundy silk shirt, black slacks, and my dull black loafers. This was one of my favorite outfits. I glanced at the clock and noted the time, it was seven-fifteen. I had fifteen minutes to meet Jane. The racing thoughts began to chatter again and this time I broke out in a thin sweat.
I got to the restaurant at seven-twenty-five. Jane was already seated at the bar and motioned me over with a smile and a hand wave. I put an awkward smile on and bee-lined over to her. I pulled out my chair to sit down and she stood up to hug me. At first I was startled; I was not expecting the physical contact. I put my arm around her and gave her an ass out hug. Once she was seated I took my place at the bar and motioned for the bartender to come over. Jane took a sip from her gin and tonic then turned to face me fully. She was still smiling, this was a good sign. She asked me how my day had been and if I heard about the accident on I-24 this evening. I started to answer her but the bartender had made it to me and he seemed in a hurry. I quickly ordered a whiskey sour, and then proceeded to answer Jane. I told her that my day was fantastic because I ended up here with her, and yes I had driven by the accident on the way home. Her smile never faltered, and I wasn’t sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing.
We talked in short bursts for two rounds of drinks and that’s when I noticed him. He sat in a booth all by himself and nursed a beer. He had been there all night ordering drink after drink. I could sense his loneliness. He stared blankly at the table and sipped his beer. I watched as he got up and made his way to the men’s room. I interrupted Jane to tell her I had to use the bathroom and quickly went for the door marked ‘men’s’. I saw him standing at one of the urinals wavering back and forth. I took up station at one of the other urinals and pretended to piss. I was about to make my way to the sink to wash my hands when he fell down. Fate had put this friend in my path tonight. I grabbed him before he hit the floor and helped him steady himself.
His head bobbled up at me and he grinned. His sea green eyes twinkled and he muttered a thank you. I told him that it was no problem and asked him if he came here a lot. He grinned again and said “Sorry man, I don’t swing that way.” I chuckled and said “I didn’t mean it like that.” He slouched against the counter top and pinched the spot between his eyes. “Yeah man, I come here most every night. Most of the time I don’t get this fall down drunk, but I got some bad news.” He said to me. I told him that I was new in town and I was looking for a place to hang out and some people to party with. He smiled and introduced himself, “My name is Will Manzana. Pleased to meet you….” I took his hand and said “My name is Neil, Neil Patterson.” He laughed and told me that he was going back out to his beer but if I wanted to hang out he’d be here tomorrow. I smiled and told him that I’d see him then. I made my way back to Jane.
Jane had finished her third gin and tonic and was nodding her head to the music playing. Jet Airline by The Steve Miller Band filled the bar. When I sat down she opened her eyes and I knew instantly she was buzzed. I smiled at her and gulped down my whiskey sour. She leaned in close to me and said “Let’s get out of here.” Her hand rested on my thigh and her smile threatened to spread right off her face. I felt my blood rush to my face as her hand climbed a bit higher. I nodded, numb with a fear and anticipation. I paid for the drinks and we made our way quickly to my car.
I never understood the awkwardness that follows after a night of sex. The next day was a Saturday and when I woke up in Jane’s bed I almost panicked. She was lying there awake breathing slowly. I knew that she was confused about why I was in her bed. I knew that this was going to end up very strangely. She looked at me and smiled. “Good morning you.” She said to me. I half smiled at her and said “How you feeling?” She stretched and smiled bigger and surprised the hell out of me when she answered. “I feel fucking amazing.” I was expecting a slight smile and a story about how she never brought guys home on the first date…but this….this was a curious, but welcomed response. She moved closer to me and draped her arm across my chest.
We laid in bed for the better part of the morning. I asked Jane what she wanted to do today, and she just smiled slyly and leaned in for a kiss. For the first time in a very long time I felt..good. I felt like I was a normal person, living a normal life. Getting dressed I told Jane that I had to run some errands today but I would very much like to see her again tomorrow. She was also getting dressed and pretended to frown at me as I grabbed up my keys. “You don’t have to run the errands.” She said in a child like voice. I turned back to see her standing in the front doorway; I smiled at her and went in to kiss her on the forehead. “Yeah I do. Saturdays are my errand day.” I said still smiling. I told her that I would call her later today and got into my car.
Saturdays weren’t really my errand days. Errands were on Monday after work. I had met a new friend last night. I had to go home to clean myself up and to get ready for La Fut Sans Fond, the bar I went to with Jane last night. Tonight I would start my edging in. Tonight I would get to know my new friend as a sober person, and he would have my full attention. I called up his image in my mind. He swam forward; the pale blue eyes, the raven black hair, his athletic build, and his ridiculous nose.
I am not homosexual by any standard. I only choose male friends because I can’t bring myself to maim or hurt a female. I had tried once to make a female friend. I had stayed the night at her place, had packed my shun knife in my backpack and when it came down to do the deed…I became nauseated with disgust and I started to shake uncontrollably. Lucky for me I was in the bathroom when this episode occurred. She never had any idea what I was going to do and I quickly made my escape from her apartment.